a new woman

it might take a lifetime to improve myself but today i renew my commitment. And this time, i will enjoy the process more. :) there will be a lot of challenging with my mind to transform the pains and struggles that come with the process into pleasure and love working in me. it's exciting how all these will lead to my being a better woman, sister, friend, partner, and citizen. Meanwhile, let me have my nails done.:)

salamat, Mr. Waiter! :)

how strange. it's a tame friday night for me -- no overconsumption, no raucous laughter, no typical start-of-the-weekend lawlessness. by choice, yes, proudly by choice, i am perched in this quaint eating place, and just spilling good, happy vibes. I believe it worked on the waiter who, although forbidden by management, gave me the restaurant's wifi password.
'atin-atin lang 'to, ma'am.'
Here's a big, fat, crisp tip for ya. :)

Moving on together

He has a girlfriend now, I just learned, one he must have met in his close Asian circles. I could tell by her smile and composure that the girl is the safe type, but still, of the gossamer-and-steel material that girlfriends are spun.

I realize that I am either steel or gossamer, and a successful meshing only happens when I feel the man is drifting away. So the spinning, then, is upon the push of an emergency button. I chuckle at the thought of, as he said, and as a good number of them said, “how interestingly unmanageable” I could get.

Somehow I am happy that he has gotten himself a girlfriend he deserves, he with the manager’s hands. But if Eve has to speak up, let me say that I feel lonely and overcome. Not because he is no longer sharing dreams with me. By our personalities and priorities and attraction, I have long resolved that we won’t be good together.

We are two slightly similar, good puzzle pieces that don’t have enough grooves to accommodate each other. I have moved on far, that the most I could imagine myself sharing with him is a cordial high-five.

I feel lonely then, and stupid and selfish and inconsiderate because I still held on to the assurance that we were going to move on at the same pace. How could I ever think that this was possible? He’s a hunter who declares his intention. I, on the other hand, agonizingly wait to be pried open, and that’s where Eve fails me.

Ohwell, this is a lesson in selfishness. Let him have his moment. Meanwhile, let me console myself with a work-related fundraising gala tomorrow, a wine appreciation event with poker friends, dinner with a soul-food-mate, Spanish films with a buddy, dvd marathons in Tan Tiu's new couch, and a hopefully, a chockfull of surprises from some friend.

But really now, I know by tomorrow, I won't be as dark as this. It must be that time of the month, or I just miss home so much.